So I'm in the bathroom minding my own business as all males from the age of 4 and on are trained to do. Girls go to the bathroom to socialize, guys go in for one of two reasons: mind your business, do your business, wash your hands and get out. On the floor of the next stall was a pair of black dress shoes with a plate of half-eaten pizza slices accompanying them.
Yes, somebody felt the need to take a plate of pizza with them into the bathroom stall. So I’m trying to mind my business while they’re doing their business and they pick up the plate take some bites and put the plate back down on the floor. Then I hear the noise of them doing their business some more.
First of all, how bad are your stomach problems that you have to eat while sitting on the john? Granted, after three days of doing the Master Cleanse diet I was able to time my bowel movements to within 60 minutes of food intake but 60 seconds just seems a bit ridiculous.
Second, we’re adults. This is no longer Jr. High where not getting an invitation to sit at anyone’s lunch table means your have to go find a payphone booth or bathroom stall to eat in like you’re DJ Tanner. If you’re that much of a loser that you don’t have friends to eat with then eating alone at your cubicle is perfectly acceptable. Why of all places would you choose the stall of a public bathroom where anyone can just walk in, judge you silently and go home to write a blog post about it?
I get that having a high-pressure job means sometimes having to skip lunch in order to attend pointless meetings where we all talk about what a great team we have and manage not to accomplish a single thing. Sometimes it means staying late one evening to finish the work you should have been doing while on Facebook all afternoon or coming in on a weekend because you work with people who take 8 full hours to complete the simplest of tasks and don’t get you your work until the end of the day on a Friday. But how fucking busy are you that you have to eat while on the shitter?
There is no job that is so important that you have to combine your meal breaks with your bathroom breaks. Just ask President Obama, even he gets a break to eat in an actual dining room.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
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4 comments:
Sweet Jesus, what the hell is wrong with people? Great post, but you failed to discuss the hygenic aspect of this situation. That's just nasty! Can't wait to discuss at work tomorrow.
Also, I have to add that the word verification for this is fecentor. Is that a word? It does remind me of feces, though.
I think I'm an absolute child because my first thought was..."But, you'll get doo doo particles on your food".
But secondly that sounds like some Fear Factor business. I can't imagine being able to properly taste food in a public potty.
Did you wait and see who that was? Oh, so gross, but it makes a heck of a good story!
No, I didn't. I actually don't want to know who it was. And don't tell people about my blog at work, Eva. Otherwise it'll be harder to write what had happas there. ;)
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