Adventures in Vacationing Part 4 - How to Have a Proper Vacation

I've probably recovered all the memories I'm going to recover without going into some sort of psychiatric treatment like the people who go into hypnotherapy to recover suppressed traumatic experiences or past lives. Suffice it to say all the memories I do have point to the fact that I had a kick-ass vacation.

From what I've pieced together I've been able to come up with a list of things for a great vacation.

1. Pace yourself
If you're going to start drinking at 10:30 am that's perfectly acceptable. After all, it's 5 o'clock somewhere. Don't however, start off with the hard stuff pounding shots like an 18 year old on Spring Break in Mexico finally able to legally drink. Start off slow and remember to eat lots of protein to absorb the alcohol. Plus you'll need the energy you get from food to dial all your friends, family and exes when you're completely wasted and tell them the business.

2. Chillax
There are vacations you take where you go visit family. There are vacations you take with the intent to sightsee and cram as much as humanly possible into the time you have. Then there are the vacations where you just want to chill and relax. If you are on one of these vacations, don't stress. You may be in a new town but more than likely this place ain't going anywhere and you can see the sights on your next time here. For now, pick up the phone to have room service bring you another bucket of beer and find a hottie to rub some more sunscreen on you. This ain't a L'Oreal commercial but you are worth it. Act accordingly.

3. Deny everything
I probably picked this up from years of watching Star Jones on The View but I now add "allegedly" to damn near every sentence that comes out of my mouth. When I'm drunk I like to tell my friends that "one of us may possibly be drunk but I'm not at liberty to name names." (Read that last sentence in a very slurred voice.) Admit to nothing. This comes in especially handy when your friends call you out on the secrets you spilled. I didn't spill anything. I said allegedly.

4. Bring your own camera
You can't exactly deny everything if you've got pictures of you snorting coke floating on the Internet, just ask Kate Moss. Bring your own camera. Take a few pics and then pass it on to a friend. This way all the incriminating pictures of you will be on your own camera and you decide what exactly gets posted to Facebook. You definitely don't want your shenanigans tagged so that your family in Mexico sees what you're really like. There is no need for your 80 year old aunts to see pics of you wearing bunny ears and singing karaoke.